you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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