I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
