He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
