Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
