I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
