i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
