Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
