Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize