You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
