That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
