i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
