Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
