don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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