The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
