WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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