Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
