I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize