the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
