Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
