Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
