Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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