He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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