and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
