I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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