I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This baby is an asshole
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
