my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
