ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
