I cannot find my penis.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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