I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
