Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
