eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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