You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
