There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do vagina's smell?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
