Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
there is glitter all over my balls
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
