i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
