I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
