Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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