I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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