Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
