i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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