How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
