DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
