I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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