youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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