literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
