if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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