Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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