I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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