I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
