he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
