I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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