I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
