You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
