My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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