I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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