I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
