Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
