We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
