i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
