she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize