can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
