I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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