Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
