I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
did you just send me my own nude
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
