I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
