I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
