Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
