alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
