New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
where are you?
Hypothermia
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
