My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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