I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize