shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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