I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
