In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
