Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
