I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
