he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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