True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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