Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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