ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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