Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
