def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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