Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
