I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize