she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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