Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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