another moral hangover. fuck.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
