Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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