On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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