I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
