im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
