well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
