Are we in a gay sports bar?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
