Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
