I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
