what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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