Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
