he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He felt like a one man threesome
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
