i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
