I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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