genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
