just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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