i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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