C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
