the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
